The Hot Spot Rating
Swarm, The (1978)
Starring: Michael Caine, Katherine Ross, Olivia De Havilland, Bradford Dillman, Richard Widmark, Richard Chamberlain, Ben Johnson, Lee Grant, Jose Ferrer Henry Fonda
Director: Irwin Allen
Synopsis: Stupendously awful disaster movie – enormous giggle
“One of the most ridiculous movies ever made.”
— Leonard Maltin
“The bees look like they came from a cartoon supply house.”
— The New York Times review
“A staggering example of big-budget bad taste.”
— retrospective cult review from Time Out
“Irwin Allen’s disaster formula finally collapsed under the weight of its own absurdity.”
— film historian commentary on 1970s disaster cinema
“The Swarm is less terrifying than unintentionally hilarious.”
— modern cult reassessment
“Michael Caine wandering solemnly through a bee apocalypse is one of cinema’s great surreal pleasures.”
— cult film writer commentary
“The most powerful nation on earth, defenceless. That’s the paradoxical situation in The Swarm. And worst of all, it’s a nightmare that could come true!” So says the blurb on the sleeve of the Laser Disc to this Mega hyped big budget stillborn turkey, which remains one of the enduring jewels in our collection of serious Hollywood misfires.
It is an amazingly colossal piece of cow dung from the creators of such disaster epics as The Towering Inferno and The Poseidon Adventure has withstood the test of time to turn into a minor cult classic. It is a film that is regarded in high esteem for those who like their movies truly awful – it has even been likened to Jaws 4 for its level of awfulness – high praise indeed for Jaws the Revenge is a quite astonishing piece of tripe.
The film, despite its bloated budget and massive star cast of typical disaster movie has-beens, has the production values of a cheap made for TV movie. Right from the opening credits, which are in typical 70’s yellow lettering, so reminiscent of TV, the film reveals its production values to be about as authentic as that Sub in Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.
Michael Caine plays a rogue entomologist who is warning of dire consequences unless the planet is evacuated in light of the mad killer bee’s that are evidently on their way having already caused mass destruction in remote Brazil. These bees, warns Caine to a cast of TV movie regulars miraculously keeping a straight face mean business and are set to cause more death and destruction than World War II.
Michael Caine, who to his everlasting credit has appeared in some of the most enormous turkeys of the modern era, does a fantastic job as the “rogue”, anti-authoritarian, dashing …. erm, entomologist! Naturally, his heroics and valour in the face of the marauding bees win the heart of local Dr. in the shape of Katherine Ross, best remembered as Mrs. Robinson’s daughter from The Graduate.
Michael Caine conjures up a quite spectacularly bizarre American accent…………somewhere between Texas and Petticoat Lane, so its quite understandable that our pretty Dr. should fall madly in love with him, despite those wretched winged creatures showing up from time to time to remind us that it is actually a disaster film we are supposed to be watching not some endlessly dull and treacly episode of the Walton’s.
However, on the bright side, we have a hysterical scenario in which Defcon 5 is nearly reached due to the bloodthirsty killer swarm of bees. Then, they are finally done away with a drone sound and some explosives! Its just so marvellously inept…and the dialog’s must be heard to be believed. Michael Caine deserves a special footnote when discussing modern cinema atrocities, as he will forever be remembered very fondly as Hoagie from Jaws 4 – an unparalleled masterpiece of shite.
The Swarm stretches out well over two hours and is the cure for even the most hardened insomniacs. Put this one on and watch yourself fighting to stay awake after the first twenty minutes or so, if even that. Ranks in the A league of stinkers – to be cherished and enjoyed by all serious purveyors of rotten cinema.
Despite its undoubted sleep-inducing qualities, it is so rousingly awful, that there are thunderous unintentional laughs along the way and an equally enormous amount of groan worthy scenes of gushing “lurve” and Middle American perfection. Surely one of the classic stinkers of the modern era. Memorably, even deliciously inspired in its sheer awfulness. Highly recommended.
