Asambhav (2004)
Cast: Arjun Rampal, Priyanka Chopra
Director: Rajiv Rai
Music Director: Viju Shah
Synopsis: Another piece of trashy, glamorous, nonsensical, embarrassing garbage
Reviewed by: Faiz Khan

 

Rajiv Rai has, by and large, lived a charmed cinematic life, possessing an uncanny ability to transform the ridiculous into entertaining, if utterly vacuous, commercial cinema. Tridev remains his defining success, although by no stretch of the imagination could it be described as anything more than a slice of glorious 1970s pulp dressed up in 1990s clothing. It nevertheless possessed a certain grotesque charm. Vishwatma was a pale imitation of the same formula, while Gupt restored some of Rai's reputation.

Then came Pyaar Ishq Aur Mohabbat, a risible romantic drama that also marked the beginning of his association with Arjun Rampal. Having failed to launch the former model as a major star through romance, Rai evidently decided to reinvent him as an action hero. With Asambhav, however, he achieves the impossible—he has made a film so spectacularly bad that it is difficult to imagine a lesser-known director surviving such a catastrophe. One watches in utter disbelief, wondering how anybody could possibly have invested so much money in something so dreadful.

One almost feels sorry for Rai. He chose a subject that must have seemed timely when production began, at a point when tensions between India and Pakistan were at boiling point and war over Kashmir appeared a genuine possibility. By the time the film was released, talk of peace had rendered chest-thumping anti-Pakistan rhetoric decidedly unfashionable. That said, I have little doubt that even under the earlier political climate this film would still have crashed spectacularly at the box office.

The story concerns a fiendish ISI plot to kidnap the President of India in an attempt to force the Kashmir issue onto the international stage. Heading the operation is Yousan (Mukesh Rishi), leader of an Afghan-Pakistani terrorist outfit who appears to have wandered in from Central Casting, complete with clichéd Pathan appearance and an unintentionally amusing mixture of Hindi and Pashto.

Meanwhile, the President's American-returned daughter persuades him to take a holiday in Switzerland. Predictably, father and daughter are kidnapped after some remarkably lax security arrangements and imprisoned on a remote island. India responds by dispatching its one-man army, Major Aadit Arya (Arjun Rampal), to rescue them.

Elsewhere, nightclub singer Alisha (Priyanka Chopra) unknowingly smuggles drugs into Switzerland on behalf of the conspirators before witnessing a murder and finding herself on the run. Then there is Sam Hans (Naseeruddin Shah), a millionaire businessman with fingers in every conceivable criminal pie. Although acting as an intermediary between the kidnappers and the Pakistani operatives, Sam is secretly a patriot determined to foil the ISI's plans.

Major Arya eventually arrives in Switzerland, uncovers a mole within the Indian Embassy and joins forces with Alisha, who, despite being introduced as little more than a nightclub singer, rapidly develops into an accomplished gunfighter, expert driver and thoroughly capable action heroine. Rampal, meanwhile, spends much of the film displaying his bare torso while looking suitably heroic.

Attempting to recount the remainder of the plot is largely an exercise in futility, for the film simply deteriorates from one ludicrous situation to another.

Rajiv Rai has made a disaster on virtually every level. The screenplay is dreadful and the execution somehow manages to be even worse. Scantily clad women parade through scene after scene, frequently photographed with all the subtlety of a nightclub calendar. Restraint has never been one of Rai's great strengths, but here even the slightest hint of subtlety has disappeared altogether. Surprisingly, the film stops just short of giving us the inevitable seduction scene between the ludicrous Ms Brar and Major Arya. Worse still, for a film aspiring to be an action-packed thriller, it is astonishingly boring.

Arjun Rampal's character resembles little more than the old puppet hero Joe 90. Acting is scarcely required, although a little conviction might have helped. Needless to say, Asambhav did absolutely nothing for his career.

Priyanka Chopra fares little better, although the blame lies squarely with the screenplay rather than the actress. The biggest surprise is undoubtedly Naseeruddin Shah, who delivers what must rank among the most embarrassing performances of his distinguished career. Whether he accepted the role for the money or simply out of loyalty to Rajiv Rai is anyone's guess, but the result is an unmitigated embarrassment.

The remainder of the cast fares no better. Indians and Pakistanis alike are reduced to laughable caricatures. Shahwar Ali, introduced with much fanfare as Rai's latest discovery and major villain, barely registers at all, managing to make even less impression than the voluptuous Ms Brar. One is also left wondering what on earth Arif Zakaria was doing in a film like this, while Milind Gunaji surely deserved considerably better than the role he has been saddled with here.

Viju Shah contributes one of the dullest scores of his career, further numbing the senses.

By the end, we found ourselves watching purely out of curiosity to discover just how much worse the film could become.

Thankfully...

it never disappointed us.