Bachke Rehna Re Baba (2005)
Cast: Rekha, Mallika Sherawat, Paresh Rawal, Satish Shah
Director: Govind Memon
Music Director: Anu Malik
Synopsis: Wretched Bollywood regurgitation of Hearbreakers - cringe a minute stuff
Reviewed by: Faiz Khan

 

The last laugh is on the audience.

I firmly believe the director titled his film as a kind of sick joke. He's actually warning us: "Bachke Rehna Re Baba..."—beware. It's a horror film. Horror, admittedly, of a very different kind.

In fact, I almost wish it were a sick joke, because then I could at least credit director Govind Menon with the perverse intelligence of deliberately making a film designed solely to make utter fools of its audience. Alas, this appears to be an entirely sincere attempt to copy an English-language comedy almost scene for scene while somehow believing he has created a racy Bollywood entertainer.

Excited by the prospect of a desi remake of the wonderfully funny Heartbreakers, I sat in amazement as I watched the original being comprehensively bastardised for Bollywood. For those unfamiliar with the Hollywood version, here's how it goes.

The film opens with Rukmini (Rekha, reprising Sigourney Weaver's role) marrying wealthy Punjabi businessman Monty Bagga (Paresh Rawal stepping into Ray Liotta's shoes), only to spend her wedding night snoring peacefully beside her thoroughly frustrated new husband. The randy Monty promptly heads downstairs to the hotel bar where resident kiss-and-boob queen Mallika Sherawat performs "Sharafat Chhorr", encouraging him to do precisely that.

Meanwhile, our slumbering bride awakens and wanders off in search of her beloved husband, only to discover him canoodling with a scantily clad tart in the back of a van. Divorce swiftly follows.

But wait a moment...

Why has the tart suddenly removed her wig and embraced Rukmini?

Aha! It's all part of an elaborate con.

The tart is actually Rukmini's niece, and the two women make their living by marrying wealthy men, manufacturing compromising situations and walking away with substantial divorce settlements. One successful scam simply leads to the next.

Their latest adventure takes them to Mauritius, where Rukmini targets wealthy Sindhi businessman Satish Shah (taking over Gene Hackman's role from the original), while her niece wanders into a restaurant and meets the seemingly penniless Raghu (Karan Khanna), who conveniently turns out to own a lucrative chain of bars.

Naturally, matters become slightly complicated when Monty Bagga tracks Rukmini down and somebody inconveniently ends up dead.

Sounds ridiculous?

Well, I can assure you that Heartbreakers was genuinely hilarious—at least for the most part.

Bachke Rehna Re Baba follows almost exactly the same route, recreating the same situations, the same scams, the same chipped-statue gag, the same wealthy businessman and virtually every major comic set-piece. The plagiarism is so shameless that one wonders whether Govind Menon possessed even the slightest ounce of originality.

Actually, he does.

He replaces the original's wonderfully funny "Back in the U.S.S.R." sequence with what must surely rank amongst the most excruciatingly unfunny scenes in recent Bollywood history: Rekha singing in French.

Curiously, virtually every gag from Heartbreakers appears here as well.

The only problem?

Not a single one of them raises so much as a smile.

The film's greatest shock, however, is Rekha herself. Watching her performance today, one cannot help but think of Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard—an actress convinced she remains the irresistible screen siren she once undoubtedly was. Draped in garish make-up and increasingly extravagant costumes, she attempts to seduce every man in sight with deeply embarrassing results.

Watching Rekha trying to match the far younger Mallika Sherawat step for step aboard a yacht in Mauritius—while wearing something resembling a large family tent—is enough to make one wince. This must surely rank amongst the weakest performances of her career and is probably her single most embarrassing screen appearance.

Mallika Sherawat, meanwhile, simply continues to trade on cheap sexuality. A graduate of the Pia Zadora School of Fame, her philosophy appears to be: if you've got it, flaunt it. To be fair, she certainly knows how to do exactly that. Then again, how far did Pia Zadora ultimately get?

Not very.

Sherawat, at least, can boast a Jackie Chan film and the distinction of being the first Bollywood actress reportedly approached to pose for Playboy.

Satish Shah raises the occasional chuckle, but Paresh Rawal is surprisingly poor, while Karan Khanna proves so hopelessly out of his depth that he'd have been more convincing as an anonymous extra wandering through the background.

The music is unbearable.

The comedy is painfully unfunny.

And as a film, Bachke Rehna Re Baba is simply dreadful.