End of Days (1999)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Rod Steiger, Robin Tunney
Director: Peter Hyams
Synopsis: Satanic shenanigans threaten to ruin the Millennium party unless Arnie sorts it out
Reviewed by: Omar Khan

Horror was suddenly back in vogue—or so it seemed at the time—with A-list stars queuing up to sink their teeth into the genre. Bruce Willis received the most extraordinary shot in the arm with the colossal success of The Sixth Sense. Harrison Ford signed on for What Lies Beneath, Kevin Bacon took the lead in Hollow Man and William Friedkin was once again unleashing The Exorcist upon packed cinemas.

End of Days, starring Hollywood heavyweight Arnold Schwarzenegger, arrived just in time for the Millennium countdown, its bizarre plot tied directly to predictions of doomsday as the twentieth century drew to a close. The film is little more than an assortment of familiar horror movie ideas, forcibly welded together into one supposedly "new" package. The plot owes an obvious debt to the 1970s smash hit The Omen, involving a group of geriatric Roman Catholic priests who discover, on one starry evening, that it is the Night of the Eye of God—a moment supposedly heralding all manner of dreadful consequences for humanity because somewhere, some blighter is about to usher in the downfall of Christianity and, by extension, mankind itself.

Satan intends to unleash his offspring upon the Earth by impregnating the woman who has been designated "the chosen one". And therein lies the crux of the story. The race is on to stop the Devil before he succeeds in procreating and producing the ultimate embodiment of evil...

Son of Satan - Mark II for the twenty-first century.

Dastardly Evil manifests itself as a Predator-like digital apparition and finds Gabriel Byrne a convenient host through whom to unleash its unholy terror upon the streets of New York City... clearly Satan's number one haunt.

And so it goes. Our intrepid investigators, led by Arnie and his trusty sidekick, follow the trail of murder and mayhem left behind as Byrne wanders around New York spreading chaos in his search for the chosen woman. There is even a moment when the familiar strains of the Terminator theme come thundering back as Arnie goes about his business—which is entirely appropriate considering how much the film resembles one of his old action vehicles. In essence, this is The Omen meets The Terminator, with Schwarzenegger racing against the Millennium countdown whilst trying to prevent the birth of Satan's child.

The plot is hopelessly absurd from the outset and before long the whole affair degenerates into unintentional farce, complete with the obligatory battle between Good and Evil and the equally obligatory subplot of a man rediscovering his faith.

End of Days is staggering in its sheer predictability. Every attempted twist falls embarrassingly flat. All the dazzling explosions, flashy visual effects, morphing CGI creatures and thunderous crescendos of overblown music ultimately amount to very little because the sheer stupidity of the plot overwhelms everything else.

Gabriel Byrne deserves considerable credit for maintaining a straight face whilst delivering his gloriously overripe interpretation of Satan. If you thought Al Pacino's Devil in The Devil's Advocate was camp, try this one for size.

Schwarzenegger himself delivers a performance that almost parodies his countless portrayals of the incorruptible hero battling the forces of evil. Watching Arnie break down in tears is something of a first in his illustrious career—and hopefully not one destined for repetition. Equally memorable is the sight of the mighty Schwarzenegger having the living daylights kicked out of him by a pudgy old woman, another first as far as I can recall.

It is a ridiculous film from beginning to end—brainless beyond belief—yet, remarkably, still some distance from being Schwarzenegger's worst.

Director Peter Hyams further consolidates his reputation as the undisputed king of Hollywood silliness following the unintentionally hysterical The Relic and other gloriously empty-headed entertainments such as Sudden Death, Timecop and Narrow Margin.

Works best as high farce.