Baghawat (1976)
Cast: Iqbal Hassan, Najma, Nazli, Parveen Boby, Mizla, Amber, Nanna
Director: Khalifa Saeed
Synopsis: Local lads turn on their British oppressors in this farcical colonial epic.
Reviewed by: Omar Khan

When you thought you had witnessed the lowest point of cinematic atrocity, another reminder comes that you had just scratched the surface. Baghawat, made in the last few days before the dark days of military dictatorship (beginning in the summer of 1977), is a complete mess from beginning to end. The film is supposedly set during colonial rule, though one would never have guessed from what is on view. The nasty “Britishers” (a favourite expression) are busy delivering justice as the colonial power and distributing power to their local Paki lackeys—their chamchas. When the atrocities by the foreigners and their lackeys reach intolerable levels, the local earthy types start a revolution led by the people’s (c)hunk, the sturdy Iqbal Hassan, and his mates Nanna and co.

Iqbal Hassan plays Akber, and he and his best mate start the revolution that eventually sees the nation liberated from the oppressive rule of those interfering goras. What unfolds on screen is a murky, chaotic mess of confusion from beginning to end—nothing makes sense other than the apparent fact that Najma and Nazli have the hots for Akber and Anwer. Between the comically staged multitude of fight scenes, dark chase scenes, confrontations, rape attempts, and the usual hum drum posturing, some sparklingly lewd and splendidly vulgar dances provide much-needed relief from what is otherwise a mortifyingly tedious experience. After all, we selected this film for viewing, having been previously familiar with the wonderfully cheap Madame Noor Jehan numbers contained within.

The first of the dance numbers is a rather average number picturized on one of Lollywood’s famous Heera Mandi Lollywood dancers, Nazli, who has a prominent role in the movie. The second song is an old favourite, Hijihijihamba, sung delectably by Madame Noor Jehan, who was clearly in her element in the mid-‘70s. Here she truly relishes the raunchy, vulgar dance numbers providing her brand of guttural, orgasmic sound effects as enhancement along the way—glorious stuff.

Mizla provides a supremely cheap number and thrusts and jerks around in the most lusciously crude and suggestive manner. Her outfit is one of those Lollywood patented designs created to enhance the panty line effect, and in this regard, the Mizla dance number doesn’t disappoint. This time the song to accompany Mizla’s gyrations is another classic.

But just when we were beginning to wonder if the censors had chopped our favourite song, it arrived in all its deliciously smutty glory, picturized on a Heera Mandi girl who looks utterly delectable. The great song, complete with orgasmic grunts and groans, is one of Madame ji’s all-time classic cheap numbers…Oh, My Dear…One two three I’m Free features the lusciously tarty beauty with shaved eyebrows in an entirely see-through outfit, and boy, does she wiggle and thrust that pelvis ever so lewdly. I shall forever be proud of having recognized the song’s brilliance and purchased it as a demented teenager when the film came out. Yes, we used to go out to the record shops and demand to listen to ALL the vulgar and cheap songs to add to our collection. Now, that is true pedigree.

Baghawat Alas, the days of vinyl records are long gone and part of nostalgia, though we still have a smattering of a cherished collection lying somewhere, and the 45 of Baghawat ranks high for its sheer sauciness. The sleazy, smutty dances are the only thing that renders the film even remotely watchable. Still, the remote control is essential to avoid the numerous tortuously dull scenes that make up most of this dull fest. Of the performers, Iqbal Hassan tries earnestly, even though his relationship with buddy Anwer is too obsessive to be considered entirely healthy. The fellow who plays Anwer is a total drip, and, luckily, we don’t know who he is; otherwise, we would have lacerated him further. Of the girls, Najma is spunky and bounces around in her dance numbers but is outdone by the perky Nazli, who is given a song more (The delectable Hiji-giji-hamba song) than the leading lady. Parveen Bobby, Boby or Booby (?), makes a short and sweet appearance, and Mizla and especially the gorgeous gazelle-like beauty resembling a National icon, shine during their sleazy, raunchy dances.

However, even the cheapness factor and the sleazy jigs can’t mask the fact that this film is the pits. It can only be recommended to sleaze hounds and those who appreciate the fine art of the vulgar Lollywood dances.