Hum Tumhare Hain Sanam (2002)
Starring: Salman Khan, Madhuri, Shahrukh Khan
Director: Adhiyanam
Music Director: Bappi Lahiri and 6 lesser mortals
Synopsis: turgid rubbish of the worst kind... thought they grew out of crap like this
Reviewed by: Faiz Khan

 

This creaking relic of a film finally teeters its way onto cinema screens, and one can't help wishing that audiences had been spared the ordeal. Considering the impressive body of work behind virtually all the principal performers, one is left wondering what possessed any of them to sign on for this spectacularly lame duck of a production. Having said that, its awfulness is so monumental that the first half actually becomes quite unintentionally entertaining.

On a rainy night, a tearful Aruna Irani, in the flush of youth, arrives at her father’s house (Alok Nath) begging for money to have her husband treated in hospital. Naturally, the stern father refuses, pointing out that the husband is nothing more than a wastrel. As his daughter storms away with her two young children, however, his conscience gets the better of him and he telephones the hospital to authorise payment—only to discover that the wastrel has already kicked the bucket.

Heartbroken, the daughter vows never to have anything more to do with her father until, years later, she learns that he is on his deathbed. Off she rushes with daughter Radha (Madhuri Dixit) to the hospital, only for their rickshaw to be struck by a reckless driver, hurling mother onto the road. If that weren't unfortunate enough, another car comes along and finishes the job.

Now orphaned, Radha and her brother (Atul Agnihotri), doing his level best to imitate Amitabh Bachchan, end up living with Grandpa, who manages the estate of a deceased friend whose two children, Gopal (Shah Rukh Khan) and his sister (Suman Ranganathan), he also raised. Grandpa decides that the obvious solution is to marry Radha to Gopal, who, we're told, has been in love with her since they were both knee-high to grasshoppers.

Everything proceeds swimmingly until the inevitable spoke finds its way into the wheel. Gopal is an insecure and rather petty soul who simply cannot bear the fact that Radha remains close friends with ageing, balding pop star Salman Khan. Having grown up together, the two share nothing more than a lifelong friendship, and Radha makes no effort to disguise her affection for the superstar. Aakhir, ghar ki baat hai.

Gopal's jealousy continues to simmer until one day it finally boils over. During a confrontation, Salman labels him "complex"—presumably meaning "complex-ridden"—which is rather appropriate because our hero is indeed both complex and complexed, though in the most thoroughly unconvincing manner imaginable. From there on it's the usual humdrum melodrama. Since every self-respecting Bharatiya nari knows her place, the ending is hardly likely to surprise anyone. In truth, Radha never gives the slightest indication that there is anything between herself and Salman beyond a warm, brotherly friendship.

Sitting through this film is a genuine endurance test. Although it runs for under three hours, it somehow feels closer to six. I think I know exactly why Shah Rukh Khan accepted the film—he probably needed the money, what with the new production house and the new house. He sleepwalks through the role, delivering what is surely the weakest performance of his career.

Madhuri still looks lovely, and every now and then that old sparkle shines through, although she does appear rather paunchy in Bappi Lahiri's "Gale Mein Laal Tie." Salman Khan, meanwhile, offers nothing remotely new. It's the same old dance moves, only this time he looks a little too old to be getting away with them. Coupled with his increasingly thinning pate, he resembles someone desperately clinging to past glories—a little like a Bollywood version of Sunset Boulevard.

The direction is woeful, while the music is scarcely worth mentioning, although one or two songs just about scrape through.

On the whole, this is dull as ditchwater and unworthy of the talents of at least two of its stars.