Janglee Mera Naam (1994)
Cast: Jehanzeb, Kavita, Shahida Mini, Tariq, Humayun, Habib
Director: M. Latif Shad
Synopsis: Stupendous but delightfully awful Lollywood Tarzan movie is a joy to behold – arguably the finest Tarzan film of them all.
Reviewed by: Omar Khan

Let me try to get this right—four menacing goons turn up at a local hospital’s emergency ward, threatening a sick old Cronk who looks like the undead. The goons’ Boss isn’t too thrilled at the shrivelled-up old man for grassing on his nefarious underworld drug smuggling operation, dispatching the goons as mentioned above to teach the fogey a lesson he will never forget.

The resident nurse squeals in horror as the goons attack the patient, but suddenly, just in the nick of time, a heroic doctor (Habib) springs to the rescue, thrashing the goons to a pulp and sending them scurrying for cover. Sadly, the old patient loses his struggle for life, barely managing to tell the doctor who his tormentors are and where they could be discovered.

Meanwhile, we learn that the burly, fat Boss is a madman. He keeps a psychotic killer python, who strikes a deathly blow at his master’s slightest whim, head-butting its victims into ghastly death spasms, spurting and foaming blood as they die, twitching like a fish out of water! Once Boss sets loose his ravenous, bloodthirsty pet python to take care of business, he often likes to unwind, watching some saucy babes performing a “private mujra” or two. Boss yearns for revenge on the doctor who dared to interfere with his henchmen, especially as the same quack that botched his son’s injection and sent the child to an early grave. Now Boss demands death for the doctor or then for his chubby, cherubic 7-year-old son. The Boss’s goons abduct the chubby son Faisal, but he escapes from the speeding car, ending up in the deepest and wildest of jungles.

There, he miraculously survives by bonding with the local wildlife, except for the bear community (especially the kind that looks suspiciously like men in bear suits), who somehow remain disdainful and downright antagonistic.

In a touching bonding scene with the local cobra, the lad, seeing that the snake is feeling under the weather, viciously stabs his wrist with a jagged stick until blood begins to gush from the wounds. Then he offers his blood to the ailing cobra, who duly slurps it up, feeling rejuvenated and mighty grateful.

Time passes, and a few years later, the chubby lad grows into something resembling a cross-dressing jungle bunny—decidedly camp and redefining the term “Sexy Beast”. A Tarzan-like jungle hunk has never exuded such electric, raw sex appeal, especially to those who prefer the androgynous dressed in kinky jungle gear.

New sensation, Jahanzeb, makes a spectacularly handsome local version of Tarzan or Annu, as the case may be this time. Not only does Annu possess breathtaking beauty, but also superhuman strength due to his rigorous upbringing in the jungle.

One day a beautiful young lass, Kavita, has one of those nightmare days when nothing seems to go right—Murphy’s Law or something. Firstly, on a picnic with her brain-dead parents, Kavita is assailed by a group of goons and forced to flee into a nearby jungle. Once in the realm of the jungle, she discovers a pitchfork-shaped branch. Feeling inspired, she turns the tables on her assailants, thrashing them witless and impaling them with her stump, but this is only after witnessing the goons kill her parents.

Later the sobbing and freshly orphaned Kavita is consoled and adopted by Tarzan’s (sorry, Annu’s) dimwit jungle sidekick—a

Janglee Mera Naam prospect she mysteriously seems to relish. However, just when it seems her luck has finally changed, she is set upon by four men in bear suits who begin to menace her with bizarre sounds and movements. Fortunately, Annu’s timely intervention saves her from becoming a chunk of meat in the hands of four very dodgy-looking bears.

Within five minutes, Annu’s rugged handsomeness and animal magnetism have Kavita utterly smitten. She is ready to play Jane for the man of her dreams forever. However, complications arise when a bewitching jungle beauty (Shahida Mini), takes a fancy to Annu and is incensed when he doesn’t reciprocate her warmth— she being tribal queen doesn’t help matters. Poor Annu is locked up in a filthy, dark dungeon somewhere. However, in this crisis, Annu’s deep association with his wild friends comes in handy, and soon he summons his many brothers and sisters to help him break free.

In an electrifying finale, Boss’s lone if extremely ferocious Python, confronts hundreds of primarily fake cobras who proceed to teach the Python who the top dog really is. The cobras alarmingly shoot across the screen and hideously hurtle through the air—there is no denying their supremacy.

Moments later, with the villains confounded, Annu’s path crosses that of his father twenty years after separation on that ill-fated day. Both of them feel strange pangs of longing for each other, despite being overtly strangers to one another, yet a voice within the doctor’s head seems to be sure that this Annu must be his long-lost son. In a thrilling climax scene, all is revealed and fixed as it should be. The film is a delightful hoot from beginning to end and sets new standards for Jungle films worldwide.

Jehanzeb is a walking sex bomb in the role of the jungle hunk and is simply irresistible for either sex. He had a decent run in Lollywood with some significant parts along the way. Still, he never secured a regular spot as a solo hero, usually a supporting character. No doubt he went on to bigger and better things though it is doubtful that he could ever have starred in a more insane film as this fantastic Tarzan in Drag movie.

Janglee Mera Naam was one of Kavita’s final films, before she fled the scene to join some Palestinian Liberation group selling household furnishings and stuff at Bloomingdale’s in New York City. This film helped her face some home truths like her career had reached rock bottom with nowhere else to go.

The film is a delightful shamble, marked by the shoddy production that is the trademark of Lollywood films. The acting is dreadful, and the script is written by a total nutter or an inspired genius, depending on perspective. Janglee Mera Naam will always stay in the memory for providing possibly the world’s most idiotic and camp-looking Tarzan of all time. Not to be missed by admirers of the world’s Tarzan films.