Miss Top Ten (2009)
Cast: Sana, Moammar Rana, Asha Alvi, Ahmed Butt, Sajna, Akhtar Shad, Ashraf Rahi
Director: Rasheed Dogar
Synopsis: Sugar Daddies, AIDS, Prostitution, Sleaze, Stalkers, Murder and Mayhem. All in a day’s work for Rasheed Dogar, the Prince of Sleaze.
Reviewed by: Omar Khan

In the opening scenes, we are introduced to a disgruntled family with the man of the house being treated by his wife as a moron (which he undoubtedly is). The Mrs. is wearing the pants in the place and has a plan of action that involves cashing in on her lifelong investment: her voluptuous young daughter Rabeel.

The Mrs. dreams of money, glamour, and fame; the only ticket she has to enable these dreams is her bombshell of a daughter, whom she has groomed to conquer the world as she finally reaches the sweet 16.

The world’s eyes are fixed on Pakistan, not because of some new terrorist horror, but this time because the new Miss Top Ten coronation is about to occur. The Mrs. strikes gold as her investment wins the ultimate accolade, what every young girl aspires to be: garlanded as Miss Top Ten.

Now, all that remains for Mama is booking her daughter with clients and watching the money flow. Miss Top Ten appears to have no qualms and throws herself energetically into the arms of the sleazebags her mom arranges for her, dancing into the wee hours of the morning with a radiant smile on her face.

Unknown to her, Miss Top Ten also has an overly devoted admirer in magazine reporter Aamir (played by Moammar Rana). Her colour shoots in spectacular poses have catapulted her to fame and allowed her mother to increase her asking price to a new record high. Gifts start to pour in as Miss Top Ten regularly entertains the rich and randy. Cars, houses, flats, and clothes start to amass at Miss Top Ten’s Mom’s domain, and life is rosy. However, complications soon arise in the form of rampant jealousy.

First, a young siren hopes that if Miss Top Ten can be toppled, she can acquire the title and live happily ever after. She offers Aamir her body, soul, wealth, and probably an STD. Still, despite a sultry song where she rubs herself up and down his body, jumps into a swimming pool fully clothed, and contorts in some awe-inspiring ways (“10” from the Soviet Judge), Aamir is unmoved, throwing her aside and walking off in a huff. He has eyes only for Miss Top Ten and nobody else.

His infatuation now develops into obsession and murder as he starts to stalk the Sugar Daddies, enjoying the pleasure of Miss Top Ten’s company, hunting them down and killing them in cold blood.

As the body count mounts, the Police are left floundering but eventually arrest Miss Top Ten on suspicion of murder. In another twist, the bitchy siren who had so coveted the Miss Top Ten title returns and convinces her wealthy, influential and handsome friend to deliberately deceive Miss Top Ten and trigger her downfall by paying for her bail and taking her under his wing.

The plan works quite brilliantly, with Miss Top Ten jumping at the opportunity to exploit her wealthy patron’s generosity. She takes to what she knows best, bursting into some sexy songs to keep his interest from waning. Soon, love blossoms between them, but the siren doesn’t take kindly to being double-crossed and reminds her friend of his evil pact with her. Meanwhile, Aamir, having killed a bunch of rich, chubby uncles, now has a new obstacle in his way in this studly fellow named Baashi, who Miss Top Ten is bent on marrying.

Miss Top Ten

Among the biggest shocks in the film, and perhaps the first-ever occasion in Lollywood cinema, occurs when Baashi announces to Miss Top Ten that she didn’t contract AIDS from him and that he is safe. Instead of marrying her, he has decided to leave the country and head to the West, where AIDS and such horrors are still relatively unknown compared to Pakistan.

Meanwhile, the Mrs. and her Scream-Queen of a son are deep in depression with their golden goose seemingly well and truly cooked.

A showdown occurs between the person with AIDS, the stalker and Baashi, where gargantuan speeches, emotions, fists and bullets fly with typical glee.

Miss Top Ten is the usual Rasheed Dogar mix of sleaze, social commentary and highly dubious morals. He is the epitome of Pakistani double standards, exploiting sex and sleaze while moralizing about their evil, lining his pockets by serving up delectable sleaze while trying to take the moral high ground! In his previous movie, Saturday Night, he advocated the murder of stage dancers, and in this film, he appears to be in a similar mode.

The film has some of the same ingredients that keep popping up in other Dogar Productions. The family is stressed because the male in the house is emaciated, and women, given half a chance, are pure evil and care only about glamour, fame and wealth. Their children are raised to bring financial gain, and frequently, the family’s son will often be screaming and scheming homosexual, living his sordid dreams through his gorgeous sister.

Rasheed Dogar’s films might not be the most aesthetically pleasing experiences yet, in a warped way, they do shed light upon perceptions and sleaze within our society, and they touch upon some areas that we prefer not to talk about.

Dogar’s Miss Top Ten also sheds light on the common perception of the Pakistani entertainment business as a front for prostitution and immorality. Unfortunately, the tone of his films is exploitative. He never appears to be looking for solutions, remaining happy to exploit, yet condemns his subjects as worthless scum, but is pleased at the same time to be earning a livelihood from them.

Moammar Rana tries his best but comes across as a comical imitation of Shahrukh Khan from Darr. His “psychotic mode” is very amusing for all the wrong reasons. As Rabeel/Miss Top Ten, Sana jumps into a vigorous dance in between, looking puzzled and seemingly happy to be cavorting with 50-year-old millionaires as a girl who provides “Golden Nights”.

The Policeman is all serious but is so utterly clueless and such an awful actor that he offers much of the unintended humour of the film. Ex-Bodybuilder Ahmed Butt might be fit, but his acting chops are non-existent.

After an entertaining first hour, the film loses impetus with too many songs crammed into the last half hour. The production values are those audiences were becoming accustomed to the new century with bedrooms, kitchens, and private gardens utilized more than the parks, hills and streams from films of beyond. The kitchen sink style heralded by Dogar and the new breed feels money is wasted on scenery when the only view their public wants to see is some scantily dressed babes. Despite their sleaze and ugliness, Rasheed Dogar’s films are undoubtedly a fascinating reflection of the society which produces and watches them.

It is worth mentioning that Miss Top Ten contains one of the finest and most catchy theme songs ever. Once it’s in your head it will never leave and one day, you will be caught by a friend or worse

Miss Top Ten singing Miss Top Ten, Miss Top Ten, Miss Top Tennnnnnnn. (chorus chirping “Top-Ten, Top-Ten. Top-ten, Top-ten). Exhilarating stuff.

Sadly, Rasheed Dogar’s socially fascinating slices of sleaze will no longer be in production as the man perished in a horrible fire a few years ago while working at a local TV station in Lahore.