Van Helsing (2004)
Cast: Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, Richard Roxburgh
Director: Stephen Sommers
Synopsis: Universal's classic monsters are resurrected for an overblown blockbuster
Reviewed by: Ali Khan

 

I knew I was in trouble when hordes of 12–14-year-olds flooded into the cinema to watch the latest ‘blockbuster’ from Stephen Sommers. A few years ago, Sommers had taken The Mummy and turned it into an action adventure along the lines of Indiana Jones. With Van Helsing, he has resurrected Universal’s favourite monsters and given them a makeover. Sadly, Dracula, the Wolf Man and Frankenstein’s monster will be turning in their graves at their latest outing.

The plot is pencil thin. Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman) is an ‘employee’ of the Vatican – a field agent sent out to destroy ungodly monsters. He is also a man without a past, suffering from a strange bout of amnesia. When news filters through from Transylvania that Count Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) is planning something that could threaten the entire world, Van Helsing and his sidekick are sent off to put paid to the Count’s nefarious plans.

On arrival in Transylvania, Van Helsing hooks up with feisty Romanian aristocrat Anna (Kate Beckinsale), who, along with her family, is the target of Dracula’s attention. Her brother has already fallen victim to the curse of the Wolf Man.

At this point we learn that Dracula and his brides have been producing thousands of dead offspring, and the only way for them to be brought to life is to utilise the electrical, life-giving power held within Frankenstein’s monster. So Van Helsing must thwart Dracula before the Count finds the monster and releases thousands of little vampires upon the human population.

Van Helsing comes to the screen with a mixture of high expectations and fear, both stemming from the fact that it involves the reworking of some of horror cinema’s best-known and most enduring icons. Sadly, the film is a terrible letdown. The storyline is ridiculous, the dialogue stilted and the characters as wooden as can be. Like The Mummy, Van Helsing has shorn these resurrected creatures of all their menace, leaving them worthy of being little more than action figures.

The film moves along at a gallop, concentrating on Van Helsing’s skirmishes with the various monsters, most notably Dracula’s alluring brides. But while some of these sequences are good – without ever being spectacular – it is difficult to make an entire film based on such episodes.

The feeble attempts at character building come across exactly as they are – forced concessions and interludes to the hyperactivity on screen. Not surprisingly, this leaves the film and its characters with no depth. All the main leads suffer accordingly.

Jackman’s Van Helsing is a dashing action man armed with an array of anti-monster gadgets à la Batman. Gone is Van Helsing’s deep knowledge of vampires, which is now largely provided by his bumbling sidekick. Jackman can do little with the role except swish around in his oversized coat, hat and mask, making the occasional quip.

Beckinsale is similarly hamstrung, with the additional burden of pirate boots, corset and Slavic accent. But the biggest misfire is Roxburgh’s Count Dracula, with none of the menace, humour or dark attractiveness usually associated with the Count. Instead, what we have is an ageing Goth with an unintelligible accent, dressed in something akin to a frock – he’s not even camp enough to be camp!

Frankenstein’s monster has a smaller role and makes little impact as a lumbering good guy rather than Boris Karloff’s multidimensional creature. The Wolf Man is overwhelmed by his wolf side, which admittedly provides an impressive CGI moment. But the overall result is flat as a pancake.

The tone of the film veers wildly from frenetic action to bland drama, romance and needless comedy, and then back to more action. There is no attempt to build atmosphere, characters or story, and so the audience has to make do with CGI effects and on-screen hyperactivity.

Stephen Sommers’ Van Helsing has recreated Universal’s monsters for a predominantly young teenage audience, but at the same time it has stripped them of the very elements that made them such enduring figures in cinema. While we have talked about the Universal classics for decades, you’ll forget these new versions almost instantly... maybe it’s best that way!

Perhaps the biggest challenge for filmmakers now will be to somehow give these classic figures back their dignity and their ability to scare audiences. Coppola’s Dracula was an honest and faithful attempt. Van Helsing is just a children’s movie. It may as well have been a cartoon.

In the end, the best one can say about Van Helsing is that it’s not boring, and one can be pretty sure that Universal will be sacrificing more of its great monsters to subsequent sequels. Who will Van Helsing take on next... the Creature from the Black Lagoon?

Oh dear....