Main Hoon Qatil Jadugarni (2003)

The movie begins on an auspicious note with Poonam Das Gupta holding court in her Jadugarni’s lair, resplendent in full regalia. Upon her head sits an elaborate golden chandelier of a headdress, while gleaming golden gloves adorned with talons would have even Cardi B looking on with envy.

What a lair it is, too.

The place is packed with ominous effigies, sinister decorations, an imposing image of Kali Devi, and a fabulous crimson staff which the Jadugarni waves around with tremendous authority and style. By her side are her most devoted followers: a loyal midget and his equally faithful sister, both prepared to carry out her every command to the best of their abilities.

Bharat Kapoor, oozing slime from every pore, arrives seeking her assistance. He wants his brother murdered and is willing to strike a bargain to make it happen. The deal is simple enough. Once the unfortunate sibling is dead and the inheritance secured, the Jadugarni will receive her share of the estate.

The midget’s sister dutifully performs the dirty work, stabbing the Haveli owner in cold blood. Bharat Kapoor inherits the fortune but, being a sleazeball of the highest order, promptly decides not to honour his side of the bargain.

This proves to be a poor decision.

The Jadugarni gives him three days to comply or suffer her wrath. Sneaky Bharat seeks protection from Bhairav, a local Tantrik who claims to serve the forces of virtue. Despite being fully aware that Bharat has had his own brother murdered, Bhairav happily provides him with a magical amulet to ward off the Jadugarni’s powers.

So much for due diligence.

When the deadline expires, the Jadugarni retaliates by zapping Bharat Kapoor with a bizarre device that looks suspiciously like Dr Cassandra’s Alivno Ray Gun. The first few blasts merely inconvenience him and allow him to escape. The next encounter proves considerably less forgiving.

Having dealt with Bharat, the Jadugarni turns her attention towards his niece, the rightful heiress to the Haveli. Using her dark powers, she transforms the young woman into a murderous nymphomaniac with a distinctly dangerous edge. Before long, various amorous young men begin turning up dead while the police remain baffled and the audience struggles to keep pace with the increasingly chaotic proceedings.

Eventually, a lengthy flashback reveals how young Chandi, daughter of a respected Jadugar, became the dreaded Qatil Jadugarni. A series of personal tragedies and betrayals gradually transformed her into the hardened, vengeful killer she ultimately became.

There are reportedly several steamy scenes missing from the currently circulating YouTube version, but thankfully one of the film’s greatest assets survives intact: a special appearance by the legendary Bappi Lahiri.

Appearing as himself, the true King of Disco arrives at a lavish New Year’s Eve celebration where the younger cast members are enthusiastically getting down to his infectious beats. For devotees of this era of Bollywood, the sequence alone is worth the price of admission.

The climactic courtroom sequence is an absolute riot.

Logic is beaten into submission as judges display extraordinary sympathy towards mass murderers on account of their tragic backstories. It is exactly the sort of gloriously ridiculous conclusion that these films specialise in delivering.

Perfection.

Poonam Das Gupta is magnificent as the gold-adorned queen of darkness. She attacks the role with such obvious enthusiasm that she elevates the film from her very first appearance. Every gesture, every evil stare, and every wave of that glorious crimson staff feels as though she is having the time of her life.

The supporting cast is largely comprised of the usual suspects from the B-grade horror circuit. Naturally, Raza Murad is present and acquits himself well as the supposedly virtuous Tantrik with highly questionable morals. Amit Pachori, Sapna Sappu, and the rest of the cast are equally comfortable operating within the film’s delightfully absurd universe.

The direction is surprisingly tight. While the obligatory songs inevitably slow the pace, they also provide convenient toilet breaks for viewers too engrossed in the proceedings to leave otherwise.

More importantly, the comedy is kept under reasonable control. Mercifully, there are relatively few of the painfully extended comedy diversions that often sabotage films of this type. Instead, the focus remains firmly on the adventures of the amorous college youths, the escalating supernatural mayhem, and, most importantly, the magnificently attired Jadugarni herself.

Main Hoon Qatil Jadugarni delivers the goods.

Poonam Das Gupta is unquestionably the ace card, but credit must also go to the director Dilip Gulati for showing unusual restraint with the elements that typically derail these productions. The result is a film that remains consistently entertaining and never drifts into the sort of boredom that plagues so many of its contemporaries.

For fans of low-budget, flea-pit Bollywood horror, this is a genuine treat.